Well this is depressing
by BonesDon'tMelt
Summary: Kaoru is dead. Hikaru isn't handling it well. Haruhi is left to deal with the fallout. Rated T for paranoia, character death (before fic), and implied suicidal thoughts.


AN: Okay... this is a lot darker than I usually write, not that you guys would know that since this is the first thing I've published... heh...

Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran, and I definitely don' want Kaoru dead.

Edit:9/17/15 Revised ending! Thanks Vampires6928 for the suggestion. The previous ending was totally weak-sauce, I couldn't figure out how to end it, and your idea was beautiful!

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Hikaru walked down the hall, lifeless. Dead. A shell. Those people whispering about his loss, they didn't understand. People said they were sorry, but they weren't. They couldn't be, because they didn't understand. Losing your life, will, and happiness. Burying it in the ground. They would never understand.

"Look, it's Kaoru!" A girl said to her friend as Hikaru walked by. He stopped, head down and shadows over his eyes.

"Hina!" Her friend hissed, obviously seeing the mistake. The girl apologized. She said sorry. Tears built in her eyes, but Hikaru didn't care. He turned and ran. Out of the school, away from the girls, the club, the memories. Away from him. Away from Kaoru.

Kaoru. Kaoru Kaoru Kaoru. Every day, all the time. Kaoru. Kaoru Kaoru Kaoru. How was he supposed to get past it when everyone kept calling him by his brother's name? Kaoru. Kaoru Kaoru Kaoru.

Kaoru.

Tamaki had tried to get his mind off of it by doing things with him that he liked. But all that did was remind him. He did those things with Kaoru. All of his memories as long as he could remember were with Kaoru.

Honey had given him a hug after asking if he wanted sweets. He hadn't responded.

Mori just patted him on the head, but he had barely felt it.

Kyoya didn't really do much, other than tell him to go home and grieve about a week ago.

Haruhi gave him a pitying look and then took Tamaki away, telling him to give Hikaru space.

What hurt most was his mother. She had cried, but she wasn't nearly as devastated as Hikaru. A few days after the burial she had gotten up and seen Hikaru sitting by himself at the table, it was the first time he had come out of his room since the burial.

She had asked where Kaoru was. He left before she could see him cry.

Hikaru kept running. He was in the rose maze now. Tears were streaming down his face, completely contradicting the bight, happy day.

Haruhi had been right, all those months ago. Kaoru was more mature. Kaoru was nicer, more compassionate, more truthful. Kaoru was all around better, so why was it him? If either deserved it, it was him, not Kaoru.

Not Kaoru. Not Kaoru. Not Kaoru.

So why was it Kaoru?

Hikaru stopped running as the question occurred to him. He knew the answer. The answer was him. He was selfish, a horrible brother, and Kaoru just took it. None of this would have happened if Hikaru was better. None of it. None.

His fist clenched, fingernails biting into the soft skin of his palm. None of it.

"Hikaru?" His head snapped up as he heard the voice behind him. Haruhi. He frantically scrubbed his eyes with his sleeve, trying to get rid of the tears. She couldn't see him cry. No one could see him cry. The only person who had ever seen him cry for real was Kaoru.

"What do you want?" He snapped, careful to keep his face turned away. Hikaru wasn't sure exactly what happened next. He knew he said something, and apparently it was very rude.

Because next thing he knew, he was holding his cheek in shock because Haruhi had just slapped him. He didn't even notice the tears that continued to roll down his face, too busy wondering why exactly Haruhi had just hit him.

"Stop that." Hikaru continued to stare, not understanding. Stop what? What had he done? In fact, what right did _she_ have to tell him what to do?

"Stop what?" He sneered, eyes sliding away from her face to rest on the rose hedge. "Caring about my brother?"

That rose, right next to him, was very red. Red. Crimson. Those thorns were sharp. If he just reached out, clasped the stem, his palm would match perfectly.

"No," Haruhi stated bluntly, pulling his gaze back to her. Away from the rose- the red. "Stop destroying yourself over what happened. Come on, we'll go somewhere new." She reached out, grasped his hand. He didn't resist, but he felt queasy… like this was wrong. Kaoru liked Haruhi. Hikaru shouldn't be doing _anything_ with Haruhi, not without him.

In fact, he shouldn't be doing anything without Kaoru. Old places reminded him of what they had. New places reminded him… he was here. Kaoru was not. He shouldn't go.

But he let Haruhi pull him along in silence.

He _shouldn't go_.

They were leaving the grounds. Walking, walking, turn left, turn right.

Why was he still walking?

Forward, forward, left, left.

How long had they been going? In fact, where were they going?

 _Why was he still moving_?

He couldn't talk, there was a lump in his throat. Haruhi just continued to lead him wherever they were going. Somewhere new, apparently.

Ten minutes later, they arrived at a small diner that Kaoru had never seen before. He wasn't even really seeing it now, too busy trying to process what was happening. Haruhi, still holding his hand, turned back with one of her rarest, most brilliant smiles before pushing open the door.

Behind it stood every single member of the host club.

Kyoya for once not bothering to pretend he didn't care, Tamaki restraining himself from pouncing overdramatically to offer comfort, Mori standing stoic as ever. Honey turned to his large friend with a smile.

" _Now_ we can eat out cake, Takashi! Hika-chan can eat with us!" He bounded over to a table, which was piled high with all of Honey's latest cravings.

Cake. Honey had not eaten a slice. There they were, right in front of him. He hadn't touched them until Hikaru arrived.

"Come on, Hikaru, we wouldn't want you to miss out," Tamaki smiled, pulling him towards the booth.

Here he was, being pulled along again. It was ridiculous. Twice in one day, and he still had no answer as to why… or had he actually voiced the question at all? He wasn't sure.

Their voices bleared together in his mind. He couldn't think. All the noise, but none of it made sense.

He looked to his left. Kyoya, calmly paying the bill. No grumble, no scowl, not a sense of irritation. Next, Tamaki, chattering along as usual. But not over-the-top. Not rambunctious, annoying Tamaki. A soft smile on his face, not the normal grin.

To the right, Mori and Honey, just like normal. Smiles. Stoicness. Cake.

Something was placed in front of him.

A cup, the liquid inside some sort of combination of colors he couldn't quite find the word for. He looked up, wondering why it was there. He hadn't ordered anything.

But there was Haruhi. When he looked up, he looked at her. She smiled, gesturing to the cup. It was for him.

Haruhi had ordered him a milkshake. She was talking. They were all talking. He didn't really know what about. But he could see them, hear them, their smiles genuine and eyes bright, and suddenly he had a thought.

Maybe, just maybe, everything would be alright.


End file.
